


gen z avengers + others

by musicalavocado



Category: Ant-Man (Movies), Black Panther (2018), Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Loki: Agent of Asgard, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Bisexual Peter Parker, Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV) References, F/F, F/M, Gen, Gen Z Peter Parker, Gen Z jokes, Genderfluid Loki, Group Chat Fic, Loki is a good person, M/M, Memes, My little pony jokes, No Proofreading We Die Like Men, No grammar, Panic! at the Disco References, Pansexual Loki, Percy Jackson References, Peter and Shuri are best friends, Probably ooc, Trans Peter Parker, also carol/valkyrie is pure, also the spideypool is a joke bc it’s mcu dynamic not comic dynamic, bc I said so, but we also have carol/valkyrie on its way, gen z kids in general, hope/scott and vision/wanda too, i started the scott/loki thing as a joke and honestly now i'm shipping it, infinity war? who’s she i don’t know her, i’m so tired y’all, just letting you know that thorbruce is actually canon in the mcu, like pepper/tony stucky and thorbruce, loki is a teenager, loki is based on agent of asgard, most ships are established, musical theater in general, not really spideypool??? it's not canon, stucky is canon guys, t'challa is a furry shhh, there is no plot probably, vine references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2019-08-21 01:06:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 8,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16566659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicalavocado/pseuds/musicalavocado
Summary: peter has added Tony, Steve, wanda, Natasha, shuri, bucky, clint, scott, and loki to “New Group”peter: howdy everyponyTony: noi’ve never written one of these so constructive criticism is acceptedi’ve never seen one that hit all the right spots, so here we areif only i knew how to write





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is a crackfic inspired by other gc fanfics
> 
> if you wanna write a chapter, ask me and i’ll send a link to the google doc or smth

**peter** has added **Tony** , **Steve** , **wanda** , **Natasha** , **shuri** , **bucky,**   **clint** , **scott** , and **loki** to “New Group”

 **peter** : howdy everypony

 

 **Tony** : no

 

 **Tony** has left the group

 

 **peter** : oof :(((

 

 **bucky** : why

 

 **peter** : because!!! it’s fun!!!

 

 **Steve** : if you count eternal suffering as fun

 

 **clint** : owo!!! a group chat???

 

 **peter** : this was a mistake

 

 **peter** : i leave all my tech to shuri and all my money to natasha it is my time to ascend into the astral plane

 

 **shuri** : you still need to add tony back

 

 **peter** : oh h*ck you’re right

 

 **peter** has added Tony to “New Group”

 

 **shuri** changed **Tony** ’s name to **binch**

 

 **binch:**??? what did i ever do to you

 

 **shuri:** owo

 

 **binch:** understandable

 

 **Steve:** Peter, _why_

 

 **peter:** it has come to my attention that the avengers don’t have a group chat

 

 **peter:** this was an issue

 

 **wanda:** we need a name for the chat

 

 **shuri** has named the chat “ **fineapples** ”

 

 **shuri:** :)

 

 **peter:** ew

 

 **wanda:** ew

 

 **bucky:** ew

 

 **scott:** ew

 

 **clint:** ew

 

 **loki:** ew

 

 **shuri** has renamed the chat “ **69** ”

 

 **peter:** nice

 

 **wanda:** nice

 

 **bucky:** nice

 

 **scott:** nice

 

 **clint:** nice

 

 **loki:** nice

 

 **shuri** has renamed **loki** to **emo twink energy**

 

 **emo twink energy:** i don’t know if i’m flattered or not

 

 **peter** has renamed **peter** to **binch jr**

 

 **peter:** mr stark we’re matching!!! :)))

 

 **Natasha:** tony’s crying

 

 **clint:** is it full fledged sobbing or is it quiet

 

 **Natasha** has sent an image

 

 **clint:** haha nerd

 

 **binch:** _YOU WOULD BE TOO IF THIS HAPPENED TO YOU_

 

 **clint:** joke’s on you i’m already crying peter is adorable and i don’t know how to deal with that

 

 **shuri** has renamed **binch** to **iron binch**

 

 **binch jr:** :(((

 

 **iron binch** has renamed **iron binch** to **binch sr**

 

 **binch jr:** :)))

 

 **binch sr:** I’m a weak man with simple needs

 

 **binch sr:** Those needs include making Peter Parker happy

 

 **Steve:** ^^^

 

 **bucky:** ^^^

 

 **clint:** ^^^

 

 **Natasha:** ^^^

 

 **emo twink energy** ^^^

 

 **shuri:** ^^^

 

 **binch jr** has renamed the chat to “ **binches** ”

 

**shuri:**

 

 **binch jr:** :)))

 

 **binch jr:** so anyway what’s everyone doing

 

 **binch jr:** if you ask aunt may i’m studying for my spanish quiz but i’m actually listening to panic! at the disco and binging brooklyn 99

 

 **shuri:** mood

 

 **emo twink energy:** mood

 

 **wanda:** mood

 

 **emo twink energy:** i’m reading the percy jackson series for the millionth time bc i refuse to read magnus chase

 

 **emo twink energy:** hela is not my daughter??? norse mythology got it all wrong???

 

 **emo twink energy** : verity’s trying to get me to read heroes of olympus even though i know she hates fiction

 

 **binch jr:** !!! you should definitely read heroes of olympus!!!

 

 **shuri:** yeah you’ll especially love nico

 

 **binch jr:** DON’T YOU DARE TELL HIM

 

 **binch jr:** loki i promise to lend you my collection

 

 **emo twink energy:** peter have i ever told you how much i love you more than the others

 

 **shuri:** he’s blushing isn’t he

 

 **binch jr:** _shut up shuri_

 


	2. they watch falsettos bc peter is a bi mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter chooses falsettos for movie night and everyone is emo
> 
> i literally finished this in two minutes

**binch sr >>> binch jr**

 

**binch sr:** Pete it’s your turn for movie night

 

**binch jr:** i need a minute to conference with my subordinates

 

**binch jr** has entered  **pictochat**

 

**binch jr:** mr stark says it’s my turn for movie night

**shuri:** same energy as “mom says it’s my turn on the xbox”

 

**binch jr:**

 

**binch jr:** anyway i already have a few ideas but i wanna run them by you guys

 

**shuri:** they’re all gonna be disney or musicals i stg

 

**binch jr:** stfu

 

**binch jr:** so i was thinking these; falsettos, heathers (movie), love simon, princess diaries, and rent

 

**binch jr:** but then i realized i wanted a musical so now it’s just falsettos or rent

 

**emo twink energy:** falsettos

 

**shuri:** falsettos

 

**binch jr:** thank god i may love rent but i cannot handle another 525,600 minutes ever again

 

**shuri:** i’m pretty sure all if not most of them have watched rent, including stucky

 

**emo twink energy:** oh i remember that

 

**emo twink energy:** they both started crying it was so sweet

 

**binch jr:** i’ll go tell mr stark our decision

 

**binch jr >>> binch sr**

 

**binch jr:** hey mr stark have you ever heard of falsettos the musical

  
  
  


**binch sr** has entered  **binches**

 

**binch sr:** Peter chose a musical called Falsettos for movie night

 

**binch jr:** mr stark i promise you it’s really good

 

**binch jr:** too bad it was robbed at the tony awards

 

**binch jr:** oh hey mr stark i guess you could be a tony award hahha get it

 

**shuri:** ew

 

**binch jr:** i also chose it because i know none of us are actually 100% straight so

 

**binch jr:** who’s ready to cry over a gay musical ladies

 

**shuri:** i know for a fact at least everyone will cry

  
  


**Steve** has entered  **binches**

 

**Steve:** hi thanks i’m crying

 

**bucky:** WHAT WOULD I DO MADE ME SOB PETER

 

**binch jr:** :)))

 

**binch jr:** to be fair i’ve watched it 13 times and i still cried

 

**binch sr:** ??? Thirteen times???

 

**binch jr:** this was my fourteenth and shuri’s twelfth

 

**binch jr:** loki’s watched it like,, a million times

 

**emo twink energy:** twenty six times and this was my twenty seventh

 

**Steve:** damn

 

**binch jr:** you do not want to know how many times we’ve watched love, simon then

 

**bucky:** in all fairness that movie is a cinematic masterpiece

 

**binch jr:** the first time i watched it with aunt may she cried bc it reminded her of when i came out and she knew that lots of kids don’t have accepting parents

 

**binch jr:** i think that’s why it’s one of my favs

 

**shuri:** _ i’m soft _

 

**Steve:** can we all agree that peter is the most amazing person on the planet

 

**binch jr:** yes

 

**shuri:** yes

 

**emo twink energy:** yes

**bucky:** yes

**clint:** yes

**Natasha:** yes

**binch jr:**

**binch jr:** _ fcuk i’m goina start cryinfg _

**binch jr:** _ I LOVE MY WEIRD THOT FAMILY _

**emo twink energy:** WJERE DID NATASHA COME FROM

**emo twink energy** changed their name to  **scared emo**

**binch jr:** SEVEN YEAR OLD ME  ASKKSKSKSKKSSKLS

**clint:** good morning class today we will be learning  _ what the heck is going on here on this day _

 

**scared emo** has entered  **pictochat**

 

**scared emo:** @shuri @peter come over

**shuri:** why

**scared emo:** i want to binge voltron and paint your nails

**binch jr:** understandable we’re on our way

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took actually forever to get out bye


	3. scott joins the heathers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki’s a youth pastor and scott is initiated into the heathers

**binch jr:** ****selfie

 **binch sr:** Why were you and shuri @ loki’s house

 **road work:** he wanted to binge voltron and paint our nails

 **road work:** don’t worry thor, valkyrie, and verity were there

 **scared emo:** i love how you don’t trust me

 **road work:** i read your name as sacred emo and now i’m imagining priest loki as a youth pastor

 **binch sr:** Why did you change your name to road work

 **road work:** well

 **binch jr:** apparently there are no road work ahead signs in wakanda

 **road work:** so i didn’t really understand the vine until i came to new york

 **road work:** i had to ask scott what it meant bc peter couldn’t stop laughing

 **scott:** just doing my part in this world

 **binch jr:** SCOTT WHERE DID YOU COME FROM AKSKSKSKSKSKS

 **scott:** i have an actual JOB that i actually DO

 **scared emo:** are we all ignoring the fact that shuri imagined me as a youth pastor

 **road work:** @loki it’s you 

 **scared emo:** did you take ten minutes to google a youth pastor and put my face in it on pic collage

 **binch jr:** _I’M CACKLING_

 **scott:** youth pastor voice: loving the lord is lit yo! jesus t-posed it save the world!

 **scared emo:** @shuri add scott to pictochat

 **scared emo** changed **scott** ’s name to **youth pastor impersonator**

 **youth pastor impersonator:** this is wild

 **binch jr:** welcome to the heathers bitch

 **scared emo:** i’m chandler, peter’s mcnamara, and shuri is duke

 **road work:** @scott you’re veronica

 **youth pastor impersonator:** does this mean i have to murder loki

 **scared emo:** please do

* * *

 **scared emo:** @tony come here  


**binch sr:** What

 **scared emo:** bitch

 **binch sr:** Blocked

 **scared emo:** unblock me for a sec i have to tell you something

 **binch sr:** What

 **scared emo:** bitch

 **youth pastor impersonator:** the hap is fuckening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was a bit shorter but hey
> 
> i actually did put loki’s face over a picture i googled of a youth pastor but i dodn’t put it in bc i don’t know how to use ao3 so :)
> 
> comments are my life source add recommendations you thots


	4. s l a n d e r

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thor took the peanuts

**scared emo:** thor took away all the peanuts >:((

**binch jr:** unacceptable

**binch jr:** mr stark is trying to take a wine bottle into his room for his afternoon nap

**binch sr:** I DESERVE THIS

**binch jr:** **_PUT THAT WINE BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM OR SO HELP ME_ **

**binch sr:** **_WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO BITCH-ASS_ **

**binch jr:** **_I’LL TELL PEPPER_ **

**binch sr:**

**binch sr:** You win this time

**captain assmerica:** what the hell did i just walk into

**road work:** CAPTAIN ASSMERICA I’M CRYING

**funky barnes:** i named him :))

**scared emo:** i’m crying thor won’t gove me my pHuCKING PEANUTS

**scared emo:** THIS IS SLANDER

**binch sr:** slan·der

/ˈslandər/

_ noun _ LAW   
the action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person's reputation.   
"he is suing the TV network for slander"   
_ verb _   
make false and damaging statements about (someone).   
"they were accused of slandering the head of state"

**scared emo:** sorry i can’t hear you over the SLANDER

**binch jr:** are we all ignoring the funky barnes

**funky barnes:** yes

**youth pastor impersonator:** @loki do you want me to bring you some peanuts

**scared emo:** at least SOMEONE cares

**scared emo:** @scott you’re my new best friend

**youth pastor impersonator:** <3

**scared emo:** <3

**binch jr:** what if instead of <3 we all just said less than three

**binch jr:** and for <\3 it’s less than divided by three

**road work:** @peter less than divided by three

**binch jr:** _ bitch _

**clint:** can a man not watch james charles in peace

**Natasha:** he was doing my makeup >:((

**binch sr:** Since when does Clint know how to do makeup

**clint:** since always?? i used to work @ sephora

**clint:** if only they could see me now

**scared emo:** _ I NEED MY PHUCKING PEANUTS _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is pretty short but it’s there
> 
> i literally asked my friend what i should write and she went “someone took the peanuts”


	5. WHO SPILLED BUCKY'S M&MS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucky's m&ms are missing, clint goes through a tragedy

**funky barnes:** _ WHO SPILLED MY M&MS _

**funky barnes:** _ I WILL MURDER YOU _

**binch jr:** HELP I’M CRYING I JUST

**binch jr:** _ FUNKY BARNES _

**funky barnes:** _ THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER SPIDER BITCH _

**binch jr:** yes sir mr sergeant barnes white wolf winter soldier bucky sir

**captain assmerica:** @bucky clint ate all your m&ms

**funky barnes:** THAT’S THE BITCH

**clint:** I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT NATASHA MADE ME DO IT

**funky barnes:** AND I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT NATASHA TERRIFIES ME AND THAT IF SHE TOLD YOU TO DO IT THEN THAT’S A YOU PROBLEM

**captain assmerica:** babe do you want more m&ms

**funky barnes:** what i really want is death but can you go get some from publix

**funky barnes:** the ones in the little tubes

**captain assmerica:** yep i know

**captain assmerica:** less than three <3

**funky barnes:** less than three <3

**binch jr:** “what i really want is death” big mood

**scared emo:** rt

**road work:** rt

**youth pastor impersonator:** rt

**clint:** _ BUCKY ATTACKED ME AND MADE ME DROP MY FUVKUNG HUGHLIGHTER _

**binch jr:** _ WHICH ONE _

**clint:** **_MY ANASTASIA BEVERLY HILLS  HIGHLIGHTER THAT COST ME 28 WHOLE DOLLARS_ **

**binch jr:** **_NOT JENIQUA_ **

**scared emo:** _ did you,, did you name your highlighter jeniqua _

**clint:** **_shut your quiznak_ **

**binch jr:** MR STARK WE NEED TO GET CLINT A NEW ANASTASIA BEVERLY HILLS AMERZY HIGHLIGHTER STAT

**binch sr:** She’s on her way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i asked the same friend for something and she said "who spilled the m&ms" and this was born in the middle of a starbucks today
> 
> i was also reading a gc fanfic for voltron and allura dropped her highlighter (whom'st was called billiam) and i had a surge of creativity


	6. wade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pete's a father now, tony is evolving

**binch jr:** I AM STARTLED AND A N X I O U S

 **arrow monkey:** whomst the fuck startled precious bi boy

 **binch jr:** mY TOMODACHI HAS A B A B Y

 **arrow monkey:** who’s the mom

 **binch jr:** _me bitch_

 **arrow monkey:** oops my bad

 **arrow monkey:** who’s the dad

 **binch jr:** wade wilson three heart eye emojis

 **arrow monkey:** whomst

 **binch jr:** deadpool

 **arrow monkey:** oh

 **arrow monkey:** wait are you dating??? what

 **binch jr:** no??? ew he’s an adult

 **binch jr:** i mean yeah he’s cute and great but,,, i’m a minor

 **binch jr:** sometimes i wish i could be an adult

 **road work:** lmao when i first met wade he kept on calling peter “baby boy” and peter kept on calling him “dumbass bitch i occasionally love” and i was just going “so,,, gay or no”

 **binch jr:** nah we just pretend to be a couple sometimes to throw people off their rhythm 

 **scared emo:** _YOU WANT IT, GO GET IT_

 **youth pastor impersonator:** _YOU WANT IT, GO GET IT_

 **scared emo:** SCOTT YOU’RE MY NEW BOYFRIEND

 **youth pastor impersonator:** _HELL YEAH LOVE_

 **funky barnes:** why are there so many joke relationships here

 **captain assmerica:** ours is the only real one babe <3

 **binch sr:** this is slander

 **wanda:** _slander_

 **scared emo:** @tony slan·der

/ˈslandər/

 _noun_ LAW   
the action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person's reputation.   
"he is suing the TV network for slander"   
_verb_   
make false and damaging statements about (someone).   
"they were accused of slandering the head of state

**binch sr:**

**binch sr:** What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

 **real life she-ra:** _I’M CRYING WHAT_

 **binch jr:** i taught him that :))

 **bitchpool:** _we_ taught him that :))

 **binch jr:** babe!!! :33

 **bitchpool:** less than three x9 <3

 **binch sr:** HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET IN HERE THIS BITCH SNATCHED MY WEAVE  
**bitchpool:**!!! we taught you that too!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just so y'all know i don't actually ship spideypool??? i mean if they were the same age yeah i like the dynamic and it would probably be my otp but peter is a teenager and wade is an adult so,, that's nasty and it's a joke k <33
> 
> also the loki/scott thing is also a joke in case you didn't notice,,, and stucky is an established ship, as well as pepper/tony and wanda/vision :))


	7. stinky! ! !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s almost four am abd i’m rewatching venom

**binch jr:** shuri, holding t’challa like a cat: stinky

 **road work:** m’baku, a vegetarian: no!!!

 **funky barnes:** loki, an asshole, not even looking up from his phone: stinky bastard man

 **scared emo:** m’baku, still a vegetarian: **_no!!!_ **

**binch sr:** What the fuck is happening

 **binch jr:** memes

 **scared emo:** who wants to go clubbing

 **binch jr:** i’m a minor :((

 **scared emo:** i’m a wizard :))

 **binch jr:** marry me

 **youth pastor impersonator:** don’t take my bf spiderling >:(

 **binch jr:** @scott we can be poly

 **binch jr:** bug bros for life, til death do us part

 **scared emo:** i’m not a bug tho

 **binch jr:** well then you’re just gonna have to be prepared to die

 **scared emo:** What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo

 **binch jr:** Why Won’t Death Take Me

 **captain assmerica:** bitch me too

 **real she-ra:** it pisses me off so much that he spelled al-qaeda wrong

 **binch jr:** I’M NOT ALONE THANK GOD

 **scared emo:** i thought i was going insane tbh

 **road work:** i just want nothing in the world bit to fix it,,,

 **binch sr:** When I first saw it I wanted Death

 **scared emo:** thicc mood

 **arrow monkey:** @all skinny legends rt this

 **binch jr:** rt

 **scared emo:** rt

 **road work:** rt

 **funky barnes:** rt

 **youth pastor impersonator:** rt

 **bitchpool:** rt

 **binch sr:** _HOW ARE YOU STILL HERE_

 **binch jr:** he’s a skinny legend

 **bitchpool:** thanks boo less than three  
**binch jr:** <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wade’s just gonna keep showing up y’all
> 
> give me recomendable for what i should do in the comments!! comments give me life!!


	8. the rabbit snatched my weave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the wig has been snatched

**scared emo:** Y’ALL I’M SOBBING 

 

**scared emo:** THE RACCOON BIT THOR’S HANNAH MONTANA WIG I’M ASKSKSKSKSK

 

**binch jr:** LMAOOOO

 

**road work:** thor: the rabbit ate my weave!!!

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** @loki i showed this to my daughter and she wont stop crying of laughter help me boo

 

**captain assmerica:** do you think hope ever goes through your phone and sees you calling loki your boo and she just goes “huh”

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** it’s hard to surprise hope

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** she’s just like “don’t murder anyone” and leaves

 

**funky barnes:** god mood

 

**binch jr:** MR STARK I’M HUNGY >:(((

 

**binch sr:** THEN GO GET SOME SNACKS

 

**scared emo:** i’m the whole snack :)

 

**binch jr:** _ pfft _

 

**scared emo:** just kidding i’m not a snack

 

**scared emo:** i’m the whole damn meal

 

**road work:** shit, loki

 

**scared emo:** jk ok continue

 

**road work:** no we like it

 

**road work:** _ you  _ continue

 

**binch jr:** yeah what else you got

 

**binch jr:** you got some gravy

 

**binch jr:** got some dipping sauces

 

**scared emo:** more like some biscuits

 

**binch sr:** Are we all just ignoring the fact that Thor has a Hannah Montana wig

  
**scared emo:** it makes him feel pretty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos to you (oWo) if you got the reference ;))


	9. PUSH HIM PUSH HIM PUSH HIM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more wade, and loki takes thor's pink drink
> 
> it's a bit shorter

**binch jr:** i think we should properly add wade in

 

**binch sr:** No

 

**scared emo:** _ yes _

 

**road work:** peter’s alone without his fake bf :((

 

**bitchpool:** you don’t need to add me in babe!! less than three

 

**binch jr:** my boo!!! less than three <3

 

**binch sr:** HOW DO YOU KEEP GETTING IN HERE

 

**bitchpool:** the author needs comedy in this garbage piece of fanfiction 

 

**binch sr: WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN**

 

**scared emo:** i just stole thor’s trenta pink drink

 

**binch jr:** thor,,, pink drink,,,

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** funny i take him as more of a caramel macchiato kind of guy

 

**scared emo:** nah he likes sweet stuff

 

**scared emo:** HE’S RUNNING AFTER ME WHAT DO I DO

 

**scared emo:** I’M GONNA THROW IT IN THE POOL

 

**binch jr: DON’T THROW IT THOR WILL MURDER YOU**

 

**scared emo:** HE’S TRYING TO GET IT OUT WITH THE POOL SKIMMER I’M DYING

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** MAKE HIM DIVE IN

 

**road work:** **_PUSH HIM PUSH HIM PUSH HIM_ **

 

**scared emo:** _ he’sbeenpushed.mp4 _

 

**funky barnes:** he looks so,,, defeated,,,

 

**captain assmerica:** throw a pool noodle @ him

 

**scared emo:** _ thisisforyousteve.mp4 _

 

**binch jr:** Y’ALL I’M SOBBING

 

**road work:** does that pool noodle have spaghetti in it

 

**scared emo:** it might ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's a bit shorter but it literally took me like two days to write
> 
> please comment you give me life


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> steve is dangerous

**funky barnes:** CALL 911 STEVE JUST JUMPED OFF THE ROOF

 

**real she-ra:** steven “i do my own stunts” rogers

 

**captain assmerica:** parkour

 

**captain assmerica:** ew i’m wet now >:((

 

**binch jr:** @steve ??? why

 

**funky barnes:** _ BECAUSE HE HECKING NOSE DIVED OFF THE ROOF AND INTO THE POOL _

 

**scared emo:** pics or it didn’t happen

 

**captain assmerica:** dw i got sam to film it

 

**captain assmerica:** _ parkour.mp4 _

 

**wanda:** @ the end all you can hear is bucky yelling @ steve and sam

 

**road work:** I’M CRYING DID HE LITERALLY YELLED “YEET” WHEN HE JUMPED

 

**binch jr:** @pictochat we have taught him well

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** you have made us proud

 

**scared emo:** you have evolved into a fine being

 

**road work:** indeed

 

**bitchpool:** @steve do a flip next time

 

**captain assmerica:** noted

 

**funky barnes: DON’T WNCOURAGE HIM**

 

**binch jr:** wncourage

 

**road work:** wncourage

 

**scared emo:** wncourage

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** wncourage

 

**real she-ra:** wncourage

 

**funky barnes:** What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo

 

**road work:** they’re all evolving

  
**scared emo:** we’re all so proud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all!! go follow me on the marvel amino (@lady loki) for content!!! i'll prolly post art for this fic on there oWo


	11. anything for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can’t stop won’t stop

**binch jr:** zack stop

 

**road work:** zack stop

 

**scared emo:** you’re gonna get in trouble

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** zach

 

**binch sr:** What

 

**bitchpool:** here i was thinking you had evolved

 

**binch sr:** HOW DO YOU KEEP GETTING IN HERE

 

**binch jr:** ?? wdym?? he was one of the first people i added

 

**binch jr:** you can go up and look

 

**binch sr:**

 

**real she-ra:** HE’S DOING IT

 

**arrow monkey:** who’s gonna tell him

 

**binch sr:** @PETER YOU’RE GROUNDED

 

**binch jr: MADE YOU LOOK**

 

**binch jr: YOU’RE NOT MY DAD**

 

**scared emo:** ugly-ass,, fcukin,,, noodle head

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** y’all made me drop my egg roll >:(((

 

**road work:** STAHP YOU COULDA MADE ME DROP MY CROISSANT

 

**binch jr:** I LOVE SHURI LESS THAN THREE

 

**road work:** @binch jr; less than divided by three

 

**binch jr:** p-pwease mistew obama!! i’ll do anything!!! ówò

 

**road work:** anything?

 

**binch jr:** anything for  _ you  _ mistew obama owo

 

**road work:** then perish

 

**binch sr:** Hi yeah what

 

**binch jr:** i don’t feew so good :((

 

**binch sr: STOP**

 

**binch jr:** I WAS TRENDING ON TWITTER YOU CAN’T STOP ME

  
**scared emo:** can’t stop won’t stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s super short :((  
> here’s the croissant vine for you ;))  
> pls comment you give me a reason to write this


	12. loki is valid and emo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ,,,phucking cheesepurgyr

**scared emo:** it’s a she/her day y’all

 

**binch jr:** *heelys in* we’re proud of you!! <33

 

**road work:** *dabs into frame* we love and support you!! 

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** *naruto runs past* I LOVE MY WIFE

 

**scared emo:** me, crying:  _ shut the fuck up,,, _

 

**funky barnes:** repeat after me: loki is soft

 

**scared emo:** thor was reading over my shoulder and now he, valkyrie, and bruce are now chanting “LOKI IS SOFT” over and over again

 

**scared emo:** @funky barnes i hope you’re proud, whore

 

**captain assmerica:** @loki i’m the only one that gets to call him a whore >:((

 

**binch jr:** _ I’M SORRY, WHAT _

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** THIS JUST IN: STEVE ROGERS HAS A KINK

 

**binch sr:** Wouldn’t it actually be Bucky’s kink

 

**binch sr:** Since he’s the one being called a whore

 

**arrow monkey:** well, what a shame, what a shame the poor groom’s bride is a whore

 

**binch jr:** _ I CHIMED IN WITH A HAVEN’T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF CLOSING THE GODDAMN DOOR, NO _

 

**road work:** IT’S MUCH BETTER TO FACE THESE KINDS OF THINGS WITH A SENSE OF POISE AND RATIONALITY

 

**real she-ra:** haha y’all are emo

 

**binch jr:** i can’t believe you’ve done this

 

**binch sr:** _ I mean,,, she’s not wrong _

 

**scared emo:** i’m a fever you can’t sweat out emo

 

**scared emo:** which means that i’ve been one since forever. since before all of you were even an idea. gerard way  _ wishes. _

 

**road work:** loki as a baby, waking up at 3 am: wake me up (wake me up inside) can’t wake up (wake me up insi-) SAVE ME

 

**binch jr:** thor did the back up vocals to loki’s emo songs that she wrote when she was 13 years old

 

**scared emo:** “i was there and can confirm” -thor

 

**scared emo:** “i can’t believe you’ve done this” -thor after i punched him

 

**binch jr:** i’m sobbinG

  
**scared emo:** so is thor


	13. therapy?? no thakns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> steve accidentally causes them to want a therapy session??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for not posting in forever! school has been kind of hectic, and i didn't know how to finish this chapter. also it's exactly one am haha!   
> ps: sorry for not specifying, but yes, real she-ra is natasha uwu

**captain assmerica:** begone you foul demon cotton eyed joe, thy grasp on this plane faded long ago, from whence you came, there you shall go, i seal thee away, cotton eyed joe

 

**binch sr:** What the FUCK

 

**funky barnes:** he woke up mid flight to make this note and fell back asleep

 

**binch jr:** i’m scared

 

**scared emo:** @pictochat squad it’s like the one meme

 

**road work:** i’m sobbing is steve,,, okay

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** you can perfectly plant that into the song

 

**binch jr:**

 

**binch jr:** _ wow _

 

**funky barnes:** y’all i’m shakinf he just kinda,,, turned to face me and whispered “country roads” call thw police and possibly a therapist

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** never knew steve was such a meme

 

**binch jr:** tbt to that time he said that he’s the only one allowed to call bucky a whore

 

**road work:** maybe the real whores were the friends we made along the way

 

**bitchpool:** @peter am i a whore

 

**binch jr:** idk you’re the omnipotent one here

 

**arrow monkey:** maybe the real omnipotent ones were the friends we made along the way

 

**scared emo:** @wade am i omnipotent too?

 

**bitchpool:** it all depends on what your tummy is telling you :))

 

**scared emo:** all my tummy wants is to know whether or not i get to die soon

 

**binch jr:** mood

 

**binch sr:** ??? Should I call a therapist for everyone, or just Steve???

 

**binch jr:** mr stark you can’t talk you literally say that every time a mild inconvenience occurs

 

**road work:** tony stark is secretly a gen z kid???

 

**real she-ra** has renamed the chat to  **mental health? who’s she**

 

**scared emo:** ugh me

 

**arrow monkey:** so is anyone gonna call the therapist

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** i used to be bullied bc people thought i looked like josh from clueless

  
**binch sr:** fun idea for the squad! let’s all get together and talk about our problems instead of suppressing them!


	14. comment down below what else rhymes with loki!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i don’t know. just take this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i watched all three of john mulaney’s comedy specials on netflix today. i am an unstoppable force.

**road work:** HEY Y’ALL GUESS WHAT

 

**binch jr:** _ SUMMER BASH @ THE WAKANDA PALACE _

 

 **youth pastor impersonator:** **BE THERE OR BE SQUARE**

 

**scared emo:** come or i’ll get scott’s ants to invade your house

 

**binch jr:**

 

**binch jr:** CASUAL ATTIRE

 

**arrow monkey:** HELL YEAH A PARTY

 

**funky barnes:** who else is going

 

**road work:** EVERYONE YOU KNOW

 

**binch jr:** NED AND MJ? THERE

 

**road work:** ALL THE YOUNG AVENGERS? HELL YEAH THEY ARE

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** SAM? DEFINITELY

 

**scared emo:** thor, valkyrie, and banner will be there as well

 

**scared emo:** to my displeasure

 

**binch jr:** IF YOU’D RATHER BE ALONE AND WATCHING INCEPTION FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME, STAY IN SHURI’S ROOM WITH ME AND LOKI

 

**scared emo:** i’d rather kill myself than be at a party with thor :)

 

**binch jr:** “wow, ok, bitch” -thor

 

**binch jr:** LOKI JUST STABBED THOR ABORT MISSION ABORT

 

**funky barnes:** well, you know what they say

 

**captain assmerica:** mess with the loki, you get a poke-y

 

**binch sr:** Literally No One Has Said That Ever

 

**scared emo:** i’m so mad i just realized that my name rhymes with doki

 

**road work:** ABSOLUTELY NOT

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** you make my heart go doki doki✨✨

 

**binch jr:** what else rhymes with loki??? 

 

**arrow monkey:** okie dokie

 

**real she-ra:** smoky

 

**captain assmerica:** karaoke

 

**scared emo:** and that is enough of that

 

**binch sr:** We were talking about a fucking party. 

 

**binch jr:** that’s the power of this group chat

 

**bitchpool:** the writer doesn’t know how to write consistently

  
**funky barnes:** WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN


	15. scott’s second divorce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i don’t know just take it

**youth pastor impersonator:** low-key. how could we forget low-key.

 

 **scared emo:** bc y’all are dumbasses

 

 **road work:** dw loki, you still make our hearts go doki-doki <333

 

 **scared emo:** absolutely not <\3

 

 **binch jr:** sister snapped

 

 **youth pastor impersonator:** sister shocked

 

 **scared emo:** sister shut the fuck up

 

 **road work:** wow what a sister scandal

 

 **scared emo:** great news everyone! i’m going back to jötunheim!

 

 **binch jr:** wasn’t jötunheim destroyed or smth?

 

 **scared emo:** that’s just part of the fun

 

 **binch sr:** Should I call the therapist???

 

 **binch jr:** christian borle voice: _they don’t make house calls_

 

 **road work** has changed their name to **please, god**

 

 **funky barnes:** wow okay

 

 **please, god:** i hate you all :))

 

 **scared emo:** this is a house of emo art + theater kids

 

 **please, god** has changed their name to **shut your up**

 

 **captain assmerica:** i mean,, he’s not wrong,,

 

 **funky barnes:** we’re the ultimate squad

 

 **youth pastor impersonator:** we’re going after the sister squad’s brand

 

 **arrow monkey** has changed their name to **sister sniper**

 

 **binch jr** has renamed the chat **sister squad rebranded**

 

 **funky barnes:** rip shuri

 **shut your up:** i’m going to die soon. let peter, loki, and scott lay my casket down. the rest of you aren’t invited.

 

 **binch sr:** not even tony, bucky, steve, and t’challa?

 

 **shut your up:** tony, bucky, and steve can come, but t’challa is on **thin fucking ice**

 

 **scared emo:** well mark me down as scared _and_ horny

 

 **shut your up:** loki is no longer invited. natural selection is coming for you.

 

 **scared emo:** ;)) <33

 

 **shut your up:** ABSOLUTELY NOT

 

 **youth pastor impersonator:** i feel,,, betrayed?? wow

 

 **youth pastor impersonator:** i’m leaving you and i’m taking cassie

 

**scared emo: please scott you’re all i have**

 

 **youth pastor impersonator:** thought you were bae,, turns out you’re just fam

 

 **scared emo:** _bruh,,_

 

 **youth pastor impersonator:** <\3

 

 **binch jr:** WHAT is happening

 

 **real she-ra:** scott’s second divorce

 

 **sister sniper:** help i just spit out my cereal

 

 **funky barnes:** ew spit it back in

 

 **youth pastor impersonator:** guys i’m in the middle of a divorce here

 

 **scared emo:** yeah guys show some respect

 

 **binch sr:** Why Has God Forsaken Me

 

 **binch jr:** mr stark i’m scared

 

 **funky barnes:** this is so sad alexa play another one bites the dust

 

**binch jr: SKSKSKS OH MY GOD**

 

 **binch sr:** I’M GOING TO HAVE. A HEART ATTACK

 

 **sister sniper:** joint funeral

 

 **shut your up:** y’all think i’m sharing??

 

 **scared emo:** i’m not sharing at my next funeral

 

 **binch jr:**??? next funeral??

 

 **scared emo:** yeah i die a lot

 

 **real she-ra:** “god, me” -bucky and steve, at the same time

 

 **sister sniper:** why the fuck do steve and bucky know so many memes if they’re both a milliom years old

 

 **binch jr:** milliom

 

 **shut your up:** milliom

 

 **scared emo:** milliom

 

 **youth pastor impersonator:** milliom

 

 **funky barnes:** milliom

 

 **captain assmerica:** i was a sick artist in the great depression. i’ve been craving death since i left the womb. also milliom

 

 **sister sniper:** i’m calling. the police

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i! didn’t! know! what! to! write!  
> also if you haven’t noticed this has no plot. it’s just a bunch of assholes in a group chat  
> I ALSO JUST NOTICED THAT I FORGOT TO PUT WADE IN. FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM!!! @musicaladvocate I NEED VALIDATION


	16. stucky content i think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stucky content and tony evolves

**binch jr:** i’m listening to spring awakening again and i forgot how emo it made me the first time

 

**captain assmerica:** bucky and i saw the bootleg for the deaf west production of it and we both ended up crying

 

**funky barnes:** stop exposing me i have a reputation to uphold

 

**real she-ra:** your reputation went up in flames the minute you fell in love with steve

 

**scared emo:** SISTER SNAPPED

 

**shut your up: I CAN’T BREATHE**

 

**funky barnes:** i’m being. attacked??

 

**captain assmerica:** she’s not wrong

 

**funky barnes:** >:(((

 

**captain assmerica:** i’m really sorry @ everyone that has to put up with me and bucky’s bullshit

 

**funky barnes:** wow you couldn’t have only included yourself bicth?? wow okay

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** i’m. confused??

 

**scared emo:** shh this is entertaining

 

**binch jr:** did bucky just write bicth

 

**captain assmerica:** you’re tearing this family apart, bucky

 

**funky barnes:** shut your whore mouth, steve

 

**captain assmerica:** I’M THE ONE SUPPOSED TO CALL YOU A WHORE

 

**funky barnes:** FUCK YOU

 

**captain assmerica:** WE’VE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THIS, BUCKY

 

**scared emo:** that was a glorious day

 

**funky barnes:** I’M LEAVING YOU AND I’M TAKING THOR

 

**captain assmerica: YOU WOULDN’T**

 

**scared emo:** me and scott tease

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** sister stolen

 

**sister sniper:** natasha, reading, knowing damn well she started this: :))

 

**real she-ra:** ;dc

 

**shut your up:** never make that face again

 

**real she-ra:** uwu

 

**binch sr:** y’all,,, Please,,,

 

**binch jr:** sowwy mr stark úwù

 

**binch sr:** absolutely not

 

**shut your up:** is tony finally writing in all lowercase?? miracle

 

**binch sr:** aesthetic

 

**scared emo:** finally. our cult is ready

 

**binch sr:** what the fuck does that have to do with anything

 

**scared emo:** owu

 

**binch sr:** stop

 

**binch jr:** SO HOW ABOUT THAT NEW EPISODE OF BROOKLYN NINE NINE HUH

 

* * *

 

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** i wonder if you can cry underwater

 

**scared emo:** you can

 

**binch sr:** you can

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** ??? how do y’all know???

  
**scared emo:** just trust us on this one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please watch spring awakening


	17. i love refrigerators

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it sucks but hey!

**binch jr:** quick help

 

**shut your up:** ??? what’s wrong

 

**binch jr:** what’s better, fridge or refrigerator

 

**scared emo:** ??? what the fuck

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** fridge, no questions asked

 

**shut your up:** yeah fridge

 

**scared emo:** fridge but ???

 

**binch jr:** mj said refrigerator and i said fridge so we got into a disagreement and she said that whatever the majority of the avengers says she the right one so please i need to prove her wrong for once

 

**funky barnes:** cap, nat, and i say fridge but clint says refrigerator

 

**sister sniper:** it makes me feel more sophisticated

 

**captain assmerica:** wow i didn’t know you could spell words over two syllables

 

**shut your up:** OOF

 

**binch jr: FUCKIN DECIMATED**

 

**scared emo:** this is so sad can we get an f in the chat

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** f. this is so sad

 

**sister sniper:** but

 

**sister sniper:** i love refrigerators

 

**scared emo:** are you fucking kidding me

 

**binch sr:** only losers say refrigerator

 

**real she-ra:** kate says fridge so,, sorry clint :/

 

**sister sniper:** betrayed by my own family

 

**shut your up:** so,,, can we all agree on fridge?? 

 

**shut your up:** cause wanda’s over here and she says fridge so

 

**sister sniper: BY MY OWN CHILDREN**

 

**scared emo:** he’s so. overdramatic

 

**sister sniper:** i. cannont believe. fhis

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** fhis

 

**sister sniper:** SHUT

 

**binch sr:** on a more pressing matter,,, 

 

**binch sr:** coffee or tea

  
**captain assmerica:** you cannot compare coffee to gross leaf water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to know, only loki and wanda said tea


	18. steve rogers is a real man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea what this is, but to any starkids out there,,, please understand my (two) references

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also this is really all over the place

**shut your up:** hey so like

 

**shut your up:** y’all ever stop and think about how peter and i are literally sixteen years old

 

**binch jr:** actually i’m five but go off i guess

 

**scared emo:** well i mean NOW i do

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** oh no

 

**binch sr:** is this what an aneurysm feels like

 

**funky barnes:** i think you’ve put up with enough of clint and steve’s bullshit to know what an aneurysm feels like

 

**captain assmerica:** bucky’s been the cause of an aneurysm

 

**funky barnes:** steve, you were going to get an aneurysm anyway, with that 5’4”, 95 pound body that you had before you got ripped

 

**captain assmerica:** it was only speeding up the inevitable

 

**sister sniper:** what the fuck are we talking about

 

**real she-ra:** we’re talking abt aneurysms and how bucky is so wilde (™) that he caused steve to get one

 

**funky barnes:** the amount of illnesses steve survived is honestly impressive

 

**captain assmerica:** 16 year old me, asthmatic, partially deaf, and colorblind: what can i say, i’m super fuckin strong

 

**funky barnes:** that’s a direct quote from after on of his stupid-ass alley fights

 

**shut your up:** my aesthetic: steve rogers being actually insane

 

**scared emo:** i’m kinda scared but,,, interested???

 

**real she-ra:** it’s ok, you can say horny

 

**scared emo:** hey actually never say that again

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** steve rogers: role model to kids and teens everywhere

 

**real she-ra:** while we were on the run, the first thing he said was “FUCK the system, FUCK the government, society is a SHAM, chivalry is DEAD” and proceeded to rip the star out of his uniform

 

**funky barnes:** ikr what a man ❤️❤️

 

**scared emo:** leave y’alls gross ass love outside the main chat please

 

**scared emo:** the only real man is my daddy, satan

 

**captain assmerica:** do y’all want me to have another aneurysm

* * *

 

**binch jr:** gocrazyaggahahjgostupid.mp4

 

**binch jr:** anyway here’s a video from when i fell out of a chair in the sky during my bar mitzvah

 

**shut your up:** bitch?? you didn’t invite me???

 

**binch jr:** ????? i was thirteen????

 

**shut your up:** i’m hurt

  
**binch sr:** this is definitely what an aneurysm feels like

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if we’re going with the “peter b parker was our peter” thing, then you our peter is jewish bc at he and mj’s wedding they stepped on the glass which is a jewish custom
> 
> also:  
> “a kickline is inevitable” is my motto in life


	19. a r m s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yes, it is the revengers

**binch jr:** loki i am so sorry

 

 **scared emo:** what the fuck

 

 **binch jr** has added ⚜️ **lesbianism⚜️**

 

 **⚜️lesbianism⚜️:** prepare for trouble

 

**scared emo: FUCK**

 

 **binch jr:** i am so sorry

 

 **binch jr** has added ⚡️ **lesbian rights⚡️**

 

 **⚡️lesbian rights⚡️:** and make it double

 

 **scared emo:** please,,,, please,,, beter,,

 

 **binch jr:** loki i love you and i’m sorry

 

 **binch jr** has added **✨lesbian support✨**

 

 **✨lesbian support✨:** meowth that’s right

 

 **shut your up:** y’all i think loki died

 

 **youth pastor impersonator:** i’m sobbing oh mygo d

 

 **⚡️lesbian rights⚡️:** we run this e-girl factory now, bitch

 

 **scared emo:** blease,, no,,,

 

 **captain assmerica:** holy shit is loki an e-girl

 

 **shut your up:** oh mygo D

 

 **scared emo** has changed their name to **e-girl rights**

 

 **e-girl rights:** blease,,, take them away,, beter

 

 **binch jr:** I’M SORRY BUT THOR BRIBED ME

 

 **binch jr:** WITH HIS ARMS

 

 **shut your up:** and as we all know

 

 **captain assmerica:** peter has a muscle kink

 

 **funky barnes:** peter has a muscle kink

 

 **binch sr:** we’ve already established this

 

 **binch jr:** i feel,,, exposed???

 

 **binch jr:** y’all are on the hit list

 

 **shut your up:** since when do you have a hit list????

 

 **binch jr:** since two minutes ago

 

 **✨lesbian support✨:** why do steve and bucky know this

 

 **binch jr:** arms,,,

 

 **bitchpool:** the author is self-projecting her love for steve, thor, and bucky’s arms

 

 **binch sr:** please,, don’t start this again,,,

 

 **⚜️lesbianism⚜️:** how the fuck is wade here

 

 **✨lesbian rights⚡️:** he’s wade he can do anything

 

 **✨lesbian support✨:** but still, arms

 

 **⚡️lesbian rights⚡️:** love you too

 

 **binch jr:** i fucking,,, love thor and bruce

 

 **real she-ra:** love how like,, no one here is straight

 

 **sister sniper:** i thought i was, but then again,,, arms

 

 **binch jr:** is this payback for making fun of your spelelinh errors,,,

 

 **sister sniper:** spelelinh

 

 **binch jr:** BLEASE,,

 

 **e-girl factory:** please help an e-girl in need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and yes, i am self-projecting  
> also follow me on instagram for e-girl loki (coming soon)


	20. owo!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is just scattered chats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the chat “dumbassery” we have carol (goddess), steve (dumbass), and bucky (here to stop steve from being a dumbass). ft an extra spot for carol’s future gf
> 
> ps: the lesbian trio are the other 3 revengers (⚜️ is valkyrie, ✨ is bruce, ⚡️ is thor)
> 
> also, yes this is thorbruce bc i love them uwu

 

**dumbassery**

 

 **ultimate gay:** i’m goign to fucking. stab someone

 

 **funky barnes:**?? what happened

 

 **captain assmerica:** are you ok?? do you want me to help in stabbing someone??

 

 **ultimate gay:** this fuckin,, ass,, rear ended my mcfuckin. motorcycle. while it was parked

 

 **captain assmerica:**?? did you see who it was

 

 **ultimate gay:** if i had seen him up close, he wouldn’t be alive

 

 **funky barnes:** nat and i can use our super secret spy skills to track down that clown fucker

 

 **captain assmerica:** i just had 2016 halloween flashbacks

 

 **ultimate gay:** nah it’s fine i’ll just find him later & stab him

 

 **funky barnes:** aight cool just yell if you need help

 

* * *

 

 

**sister squad rebranded**

 

 **binch jr:** so who’s paying for loki’s funeral

 

 **youth pastor impersonator:** as loki’s fake husband i shall be the one to go into debt

 

 **binch sr:** or like. i could do it

 

 **shut your up:** nah you don’t give a shit abt loki

 

 **e-girl rights:** last time i had a funeral i almost died

 

 **funky barnes:**???

 

 **e-girl rights:** i was almost set on fire bc i had barely enough time to set up a clone

 

 **shut your up:** you know you could have just. not died

 

 **e-girl rights:** what the fuck does that mean

 

**✨lesbian support✨: you could have just not died**

 

 **e-girl rights:** y’all hear summ? is that the wind?

 

⚡️ **lesbian rights⚡️:** HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THE LAWS OF THIS LAND

 

* * *

 

 

**fucking superb**

 

 **⚜️lesbianism⚜️:** yeah can i get a mcfuckin uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh girlfriend

 

 **captain assmerica:** thor if you don’t find her a gf i will

 

 **⚡️lesbian rights⚡️:** i have already found a gf for valkyrie uwu

 

 **✨lesbian support✨:** is it. who i think it is??

 

 **⚡️lesbian rights⚡️:** uwu

 

 **e-girl rights:** thor, blease,, is it who we think it is

 

⚡️ **lesbian rights⚡️: uwu**

 

**⚜️lesbianism⚜️: blease i just want a gf**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to look at past chapters bc i forgot what the main chat’s name was


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took forever i can't write an ending that makes sense uwu  
> (and it took forever to get the pictures in)

**who’s your daddy**

 

**binch sr:** where were you yesterday

 

**binch jr:** with cap

 

**binch sr:** steve was with bucky and nat last night

 

**binch jr:** not that one

 

**binch sr:**???

 

**binch jr:** uwu

  


**sister squad rebranded**

  


**bitchpool:** monky monky monky man

 

**e-girl rights:** whatever you say, wade

 

**captain assmerica:** @thor how has the search for a gf gone

 

**⚡️lesbian rights⚡️:** owu

 

**binch jr:** Thor, i love You, but never make me read that ever again

 

**shut your up:** why’d you capitalize

 

**binch jr:** bc He’s important

 

**e-girl rights:** stop that

 

**⚡lesbian rights⚡:** anyhow, i’m in the process of setting it up

 

**captain assmerica:** i’m really excited cause thor is letting me and bucky choose where the date is!!!

 

**binch sr:** i literally just peed myself on accident what the fuck i was just standing in an elevator and PEED

 

**e-girl rights:** SKKSKSKS WHAT

 

**binch sr:** I SHOULDN’T HAVE TRUSTED PETER WITH MY PHONE

 

**binch jr:** owo?

 

**binch sr: GROUNDED**

 

**✨lesbian support✨:** does peter deserve rights? discuss

 

**binch sr:** ABSOLUTELY NOT

 

**binch jr:** p-pwease sir!! not my wights!!

 

**binch sr:**

 

**e-girl rights:** I HONESTLY CAN’T BREATHE JRKEGFJLKOJDASKSKS

 

**shut your up:** you heard him peter, hand over your rights

 

**binch jr:**

 

**youth pastor impersonator:** i can’t fucking deal with tjis dkkkdkdk

 

**⚡️lesbian rights⚡️:** can we, mayhaps,, focus on the girlfriend thing

 

**e-girl rights:** no

 

**⚡️lesbian rights⚡️:**

 

**funky barnes:** hey siri is this legal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i also may be writing a fiveish part klaus hargreeves fic owu


	22. ummmmmmmmmm yeeyee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hot tub time machine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know where i was going with this

**youth pastor impersonator:** is it just me or does bucky look exactly like sebastian stan

 

**funky barnes:** is it just me or does scott look exactly like paul rudd

 

**youth pastor impersonator** has changed  **funky barnes** ’s name to  **sebastian stan**

 

**sebastian stan** has changed  **youth pastor impersonator** ’s name to  **paul rudd**

 

**sebastian stan:** mmhmm. bitch

 

**paul rudd:** is this a compliment

 

**e-girl rights:** are you kidding me paul rudd is a hot piece of ass

 

**paul rudd:** ?? thanks i guess??

 

**captain assmerica:** so is sebastian stan

 

**sebastian stan:** are you leaving me for blaine from hot tub time machine

 

**captain assmerica:** and what about it

 

**sebastian stan:** bitch

 

**captain assmerica:** sorry??

 

**sebastian stan:**

****

 

**binch jr:** eye-

 

**binch sr:** are you fucking kidding me

 

**paul rudd:** do you even own jordans???

 

**sebastian stan:** shut the fuck up count paris looking ass  _ bitch _

 

**binch jr:** EYE-

 

**e-girl rights:** COUNT PARIS I CANNOT-

 

**shut your up:** SKSKSKDJBD BUCKY

 

**sebastian stan:** do i own jordans? i  _ invented  _ jordans, bitch

 

**binch sr:** ?? no??

 

**captain assmerica:** do. do you want jordans

 

**sebastian stan:** yes no maybe

 

**binch jr:** mr dr strange looks like benevolent computerglitch

 

**binch sr:** _ whomst _

 

**shut your up:** you know. bendyourduick cabbagepatch

 

**✨lesbian support✨:** ???

 

**e-girl rights:** oh yeah good old bumblebee baggageclaim. he’s the guy that played sherlock, right?

 

**paul rudd:** you mean robert downey jr??

 

**captain assmerica:** no i think they mean bandicoot crumplysnatch he voiced the grinch a while ago

 

**binch sr:** **_bitch you mean benedict cumberbatch???_ **

 

**e-girl rights:** isn’t that what we were saying??

 

**shut your up:** yeah what’s the difference

 

* * *

 

**paul rudd:** CAP LOOKS LIKE CHRIS EVANS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to look up names for bendycamp bumblingcatch


	23. f-fonduing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this in twenty minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk i was just thinking about That Scene in first avenger and. yeah

**captain assmerica:** @bucky come back we didn’t finish >:(((

 

**sebastian stan:** i just went to get some water jfc

 

**paul rudd:** hold up

 

**e-girl rights:** finish  _ what _

 

**binch jr: oh god oh fuck**

 

**sebastian stan:** oh my god chill the fuck out we were just watching john mulaney’s comedy specials

 

**captain assmerica:** did. did you think we were

 

**binch sr:** what, fonduing?

 

**captain assmerica:**

 

**captain assmerica:** WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT

 

**sebastian stan:** eye-  _ fonduing _

 

**captain assmerica:** TJAT WAS ONE OF MY DARKEST MOMENTS SHUT THE FUCK UP

 

**paul rudd:** what the hell is going on

 

**real she-ra:** i think i might know

 

**binch jr:** fonduing?????

 

**captain assmerica: WE DON’T TALK ABOUT THAT**

 

**captain assmerica:** BUCK DID YOU TELL THEM

 

**sebastian stan: :)**

 

**captain assmerica:** buck, sweetheart, light of my life, my one and only, my sun and stars

 

**captain assmerica:** i’m going to fucking kill you

 

**sebastian stan:** IT WAS FUNNY OKAY

 

**sebastian stan:** THEY TOLD ME ABOUT IT WHILE YOU WERE IN A MEETING OR SMTH AND I JUST

 

**binch jr:** what the fuck are you guys talking about

 

**sebastian stan:** steve used the term “fonduing” as a euphemism for sex

 

**e-girl rights:** EXCUSE ME, WHAT

 

**captain assmerica: I’M SORRY OK**

 

**captain assmerica: IT WAS FOREVER AGO**

 

**sebastian stan:** it feels like yesterday

 

**captain assmerica:** **_you fucking put your hands on me again i’m gonna fucking rip your face off BITCH_ **

 

**sebastian stan:** i-

 

**binch jr:** i can’t fuckinh believe this sjskdjfjjf

 

**captain assmerica:** **_you’re disres- you’re disrespecting a future us army soldier_ **

 

**sebastian stan:** dear GOD

  
**captain assmerica:** **_don’t fuck with me i have the power of god AND anime on my side_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you like it??? comments are like crack and i’m john mulaney before his college graduation


	24. iiridocyclitiS??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeeeeeyeeeeeeeeesxd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owu

**pictochat**

 

 **binch jr:** so earlier today i was in the car with mr stark, right

 

 **binch jr:** and we pass by a road work ahead sign

 

 **shut your up:** oh no

 

 **binch jr:** and i just hear him say “uh, yeah i sure hope it does” really quietly

 

 **e-girl rights:** oh my GOD

 

 **paul rudd:** i was at hank’s lab once and tony went to go work on smth with him and at one point hank said “this could cause a severe eye infection, maybe iridocyclitis” and tony just started laughing

 

 **shut your up:** eye- first of all: how the FUCK do you know how to spell it, we all know bi people can’t spell, and second of all: who is letting tony near vines

 

 **e-girl rights:** @ scott how are you holding up after that incident

 

**paul rudd:**

****

 

 **e-girl rights:** good to know

 

 **paul rudd:** also @ shuri: stop exposing me like yaht i know how to spell

 

 **shut your up:** yaht

 

**paul rudd:**

 

 **e-girl rights:** we live in the timeline that god abandoned

 

 

**sister squad rebranded**

 

 **binch sr:** what’s crackalackin my home skillet biscots

 

 **captain assmerica:** what the FUCK

 

 **sebastian stan:** ma’am i’m gonna have to ask you to exit the premises

 

 **real she-ra:** is it supposed to make me that uncomfortable on purpose or

 

 **binch sr:** ugh this is slander

 

 **captain assmerica:** slan·der   
/ˈslandər/

 _noun_ LAW   
the action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person's reputation.   
"he is suing the TV network for slander"   
_verb_   
make false and damaging statements about (someone).   
"they were accused of slandering the head of state"

 

 **e-girl rights:** do we actually need to bring _that_ back now

 

**binch sr:<https://media1.tenor.com/images/248f78f4ddcaddd31c1ca8e7d8c2cf48/tenor.gif?itemid=4813904>**

 

 **⚜️lesbianism⚜️:** oh my GOD

 

 **binch jr:** OH MY GOD

 

 **⚡️lesbian rights⚡️:** what the FUCK anthony

 

 **binch sr:** uwu

 

 **e-girl rights:** i don’t know what’s happening but i love it

 

 **paul rudd:** loki, sweetie, blease help us

 

**e-girl rights: mmmmmm nah**

 

 **binch sr:** don’t fuck with me i have every single magic the gathering card

 

 **binch jr:** i’m honestly scared right now

 

 **sebastian stan:** you should be

  


**the only ten i see**

 

 **binch sr:** thanks for helping me out, kid

 

 **ultra bitch:** no problem

 

 **ultra bitch:** but you still owe my sister a dora watch

 

 **binch sr:** yeah but you see

 

 **binch sr** has left the chat

  
**ultra bitch:** BITCH-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was harley btw

**Author's Note:**

> please comment i have a wife and kid
> 
> also follow me on instagram @musicaladvocate if you wanna see my art uwu


End file.
